Healthy Marriage: 3 lessons about celebrating holidays as a military wife
Being a military wife is already hard, but celebrating special days without your spouse can be particularly tricky. Sometimes, I just want to climb in my bed and just sleep the day away, but I know that is not a healthy response. Instead, I have learned a few healthy lessons that have helped me focus more on what I have in my relationship beyond a date on my calendar.
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Lesson 1—The status of my relationship is not defined by a date
Throughout our 13 years of marriage, we have spent many anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays apart. I have waited for calls that didn’t come. I waited for emails that could not be sent. I received packages days after a special occasion. With each moment, I could allow the fact we were apart physically to burden my heart or I could choose to celebrate the love we have that goes beyond any distance.
Celebrating dates don’t define the level of intimacy within a marriage. It is not about what my hubby does for our anniversary or Valentine’s day. Our intimacy is based upon how he responds to the condition of my heart. Our relationship is defined by how we both choose to show up and be present. Being present in your relationship outlasts a date on a calendar.
Lesson 2—Love others
Holidays, like Valentine’s day, are an excellent opportunity to shower my love and appreciation for my hubby, my family, and others around me. Instead of pulling away from the world and sinking into my emotions while my hubby is away, I have learned to be outward focused. I look for ways to make the days better for others.
So when the holidays roll around, it is a wonderful time to honor those who hold a special place in your life. Honor the seasoned military wife who encourages you to be resilient and steadfast during your first deployment. Honor the friend who has selflessly walked with you in seasons of lack and in seasons of growth. Honor the pastor and leaders at your church who freely give of their time and energy to serve. Even though getting through the holidays can be challenging, choosing to focus on loving others can fill your heart.
Lesson 3—Any day is a good day to celebrate.
Being a military wife has helped me to appreciate the moments I have to celebrate the relationship I have with my hubby. Whether it is Valentine’s day or a regular Monday, any day is a good day to celebrate our relationship. We have chosen to let every day be a day to appreciate the gift we have in one another. Consistently choosing to create habits that cultivate a healthy relationship is a daily choice.
Beyond celebrating the holidays is how we choose to communicate and appreciate one another daily. We make time to talk without interruptions (although that is not always easy with kids). We use our words to encourage one another. We choose to nurture our affection, care, romance, and connection throughout the year. So even when we may be physically apart, we can continue to build upon the foundation we have already created.
XOXO,
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Cassie | White Sands and Cool Breezes
Any day is a good day to celebrate is an awesome reminder!! We can get so caught up in dates that we don’t think about the other days as special, even though they are. Thanks for this!!
Mamie L. Pack
Cassie | White Sands and Cool BreezesAbsolutely Cassie! Every day we have together is quite special.
aradhana jain
I strongly believe in any day is a good day to celebrate if yo are healthy and happy.
Mamie L. Pack
aradhana jainYes!! It’s all about perspective.
Clarice
I think this is not just for military couples but instead it is applicable to all married couples. Thank you for sharing these lessons. Will keep this in mind.
Mamie L. Pack
ClariceAbsolutely Clarice. All couples can implement any of these lessons.
Brigham Knows Best (@brighamknowbest)
Thank you for sharing these lessons. The last one is great, any day is a great day to celebrate!!
Tadpoles And Mud Puddles
Have a spouse not there on the important days is really hard. You do need to appreciate the time you get together and never forget why you got married in the first place.
Ashley Atkins
Although I’m not a military wife, I can relate. My husband is a professional athlete and is away often. These tips were a great reminder on how to stay ground! Thank you Mamie♥️
Ala Doros
Even if, my life seems easier, I really appreciate small details with my husband during normal days that during special ones, when everything has to be right. Who really know how right it has to be?
Kristal leon
I really love this article being a military wife I totally understand what you’re saying. My husband and i no longer celebrate holidays because it just never works out. And we are much happier that way.
Just One Hot Mom
I love the last one, it does not matter the date just celebrate.
Mamie L. Pack
Just One Hot MomEveryday is a great day to appreciate one another.
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G. Riggins
Great post. As a military child, I can understand the importance of this blog seeing my parents spend many holidays through deployments.
Melissa M Sanchez
This was probably one of the hardest things for me when I was a military spouse. I was so big on dates. This is a great article.
Mamie L. Pack
Melissa M SanchezThank you for your service. Learning to embrace everyday was a game changer.
Leslie W.
Interesting read. Thank you for sharing your story with us 🙂
Mamie L. Pack
Leslie W.Oh, thank you Leslie!
ayslynne15
Beautiful and interesting read! Thanks so much for sharing!
Mamie L. Pack
ayslynne15Thank you!
stephanie
These are so true! Ive celebrated many special days late but they are just as menaingful!
Mamie L. Pack
stephanieThanks for reading.
Kinunplugged
Thank you for sharing this. I agree – it is important to celebrate life and love everyday.
Mamie L. Pack
KinunpluggedAbsolutely!
hollynordenberg
Any day IS a great day to celebrate! We too often just keep moving forward without celebrating.
Mamie L. Pack
hollynordenbergSo true Holly! We must be intentional in celebrating.
Janeane M. Davis, J. D.
Being a military wife is so different from being other types of wives. It is great to find ways to celebrate the holiday that work for these special wives who sacrifice so much for the rest of us.
Mamie L. Pack
Janeane M. Davis, J. D.Thank you for your encouragement Janeane.
acgougler
These are such great points. I especially love number 3! Anyday really is a good day; it doesn’t have to be the date marked on the calendar for everyone. Find your own day and make it special!
Mamie L. Pack
acgouglerAbsolutely! Appreciate the time while you have it.
Hot Mess Goes to Oz
I totally agree when it comes to the date! Dates dont matter just show the love!
Mamie L. Pack
Hot Mess Goes to OzAbsolutely! Show the love everyday.