Standing there, I stared at her.
The roundness in her cheeks. The fullness of her hips. The belly. Ugh, the belly. I saw her, and she was me. Staring at my husband, I said words about my body I would never say to a friend.
That morning, I changed clothes ten times. Angrily, pants after pants were thrown to the floor as if to punish them for fitting incorrectly. Everything felt wrong.
At that moment of not being able to fit any of my clothes, I realized the same insecurities plaguing me as a young girl who constantly tried to hide behind masks was there. Why? I thought I was past this. I didn’t know this was a part of me anymore.
C’mon. For the past year, I stopped wearing all shapewear. My mind was made up that I would embrace the beauty of my body—all the curves and the stretch marks. Instead of waiting for the ideal weight, I made up my mind to love my body now. No more hiding. No more masks. No more waiting until.
Yet, here I was faced with all too familiar thoughts. How could this be? I thought I was purged of all the unhealthy seeds sown in my mind of my value, my self-worth, my body image, and my beauty. Surely, at this stage, I was not still going through this.
But I was.
I was back to face the enemy inside of me. I heard those voices of people who have criticized my weight and my body shape. Those who tried to define my worth and my body image. The voice of insecurity. But this time, I had the weapon of truth to silence the lies. Even though those thoughts popped up in the moment, I made a choice to take those thoughts captive. I would NOT live in bondage to insecurity. Instead, I would listen to the one voice that mattered, the voice of my Heavenly Father.
When we allow insecurity to attach to us, it becomes a leech.
1. Insecurity drains us of our praise.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 14
2. Insecurity drains us of our purpose.
“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” Jeremiah 1: 5
3. Insecurity drains us of our faith.
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11: 6
4. Insecurity drains us of our worth to Christ.
“God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” John 3: 16
For everything that insecurity may try to do, God’s word conquers. But I have to choose to speak the truth of God’s word instead of words of insecurity when these emotional moments occur.
Sure, I now have a workout plan, and it works. More importantly, I am working out being more rooted in my praise for Christ, the purpose He has for me, my faith in Him, and knowing no matter the situation or the pounds, He loves me and wants to use me for His glory.
Now, for some of you, your insecurity may not be a weight issue, but whatever it is, hold on to your praise, your purpose, your faith, and God’s love.