No competition: 3 ways to stop comparing yourself to others
Raise your hand if you have ever said these things to yourself:
I wish I were ______.
I don’t fit in.
If I was as smart as her, I could …
I never wear the right thing
I can’t do _____ as well as _____
Am I as pretty as her?
I don’t know about you, but I could raise my hand to all of these.
With just a quick scroll through Instagram or Facebook can make you evaluate all sorts of things if we are viewing from the perspective of comparison. Everyone “seems” to have it all put together while you sit there feeling stuck in life. That horrible, sinking feeling we experience is comparison.
Comparisons are NEVER fair. We often compare the worst in us to the best in others.
Comparisons have NO value. They only take away from enjoying the best in our lives.
Comparisons keep us PARALYZED. Instead of taking our next step, we do nothing because we devalue the process.
Comparisons BLUR our vision. We miss the beauty in us because we are too busy comparing ourselves to others.
Comparisons FUELS competitiveness. Instead of fostering collaboration, we build walls to keep others out afraid they may shine brighter than us.
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No matter how many people cheer us on or are in our corner, if we are unable to embrace our own identity, we will always see ourselves from a place of lack. We will continually come up short because we see ourselves as never good enough, not smart enough, or can’t do enough. These ideas are merely lies meant to distract us from seeing our true identity in Christ.
We can decide to move from a perspective of comparison at any time. Here are three ways to stop comparing yourself to others.
Cultivate a grateful mindset
A grateful mindset causes us to focus on all the beauty in our own lives. Being grateful enables us to shift our thoughts from seeing lack to seeing potential. God made no mistake in the way He created us. If we can see the good in others, surely we can do the same for ourselves. Comparison isn’t a thief. When we compare ourselves to others, we freely give away our time, our energy and our joy. The moment we shift our perspective to gratitude, we take back our time, our energy and our joy.
So how we create this mindset?
- Start each day with praise. Thank God for making you for who you are.
- Replace negative language. Every time you find yourself saying ugly statements like, “I am not good enough” replace it with the truth of God. Identify scripture that reinforces who you are in Christ.
- Keep a gratitude journal. Spend time each day focused on all the good in your life and the good in you.
Purchase a gratitude journal here.
Embrace your journey
One of the best advice given to me in my twenties was, “Can’t nobody beat you, being you.” I am at my best when I am being myself. How can we compare ourselves to others when we are unique?
Just like we are unique, our journey is unique too. It’s okay if you complete your degree in your 30s instead of in your 20s. It’s okay if you are starting a new career in your 40s. It’s okay if life looks different than your peers because your journey is just that—YOURS. We experience stress and failure when we expect ourselves to complete life steps by society’s demands. Who says you should be married in your 20s? Who says you should have a baby by now? Who says you can’t start over?
What does embracing our journey look like?
- Savoring the moments. Too often we push forward to our next achievement or accomplishment without taking time to truly enjoy the moment. Before going to the next goal, acknowledge how God guided you through your current season. Reflect on your thoughts, your emotions, and your blessings.
- Be kind to yourself. How you talk to yourself has a significant impact on how you view your journey. Instead of saying, “I am not smart enough” ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?”
- It’s okay to go slow. Everyone’s journey will progress at a different pace. Your pace will proceed or be restricted based on the variables of your life. Think about where you are and take the next step to move forward. When we own our journey we can stop comparing ourselves to others.
Be inspired not envious
Comparing our weaknesses to the strengths of others is futile. But taking time to learn from others, their journey, and their gifts is quite wise. From their journey we can gain inspiration in learning how they overcame obstacles, how they embraced their journey, and what God did in their lives. This inspiration can often prompt us to make positive changes. We are not trying to have what they have, instead we are inspired to go after all that God has for us. Inspiration prompts a positive change, but comparison leads to a negative influence. It’s important to know the difference so you can stop comparing yourself to others.
How can I be inspired and not envious?
- Check your heart. When something positive happens for others, are you able to celebrate their blessing without secretly wishing or wondering when God is going to do something for you? Their success is not a reflection of your failure. Her success is HER success. It doesn’t take away from what God can do in your life. Celebrate with her. Cheer on others.
- Focus on God’s plan for YOU. Spend time writing down the assignments that God has for you. Are you working toward them? Are you spending time cultivating your gifts and abilities? Or are you running away from them because what God wants you to do looks different than the plan you had for your life?
Friend, choose today to stop comparing yourself to others. When we decide to cultivate a grateful heart, embrace our journey, and choose to be inspire instead of envious, we can can embrace who we are.
Cheering you on,
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Marcia
Amen! Amen! Amen! Starting over at 60? Sure! Why not!
Mamie L. Pack
MarciaGod’s got you! Cheering you on!!!!
Larrissa
Such a great post/advice! The more I come into the knowledge and revelation of God’s intent for me and His thoughts concerning me, the more I want to rest in being and becoming me – and of course more like Him. Revelation has been the key for me along with a God-inspired responses to comparing myself to others – I stop those thoughts when they come. I didn’t always, but one day after meditating I received the idea to verbally speak aloud “don’t compare”. So simple, but so powerful – this saying would break the grip of comparison each time I used it – I took those thoughts captive.
I’ve also learned that envy, while I’m prone to it in my humanity, is not true to my makeup – celebrating others is. So sometimes when that “feeling” or “thought” comes I know it’s not mine, but an idea the enemy is trying to place in my mind as my own in order to get me to agree with it. If I agree with it it will feed that cycle of “not being good enough”, which can ultimately impact identity….seeing yourself as God sees you and embracing it. I know this from experience! With early aspirations of working in television news, you’re trained to compare yourself, to be better than the next, to try to stand out. This is true for so many careers. In media and in other things I’ve done, I excelled when I focused on doing what I was doing to make God look good, flowed from my own gifts and abilities and did my personal best! See, no comparisons to other people – just rolling with what God gave me. The more I’ve done that the more clearly I begin to understand His plan for me and learn how He speaks to me. Comparison like so many other things is a robber. Today, I’m grateful for another level of liberty.
This article really has me thinking. Keep writing! Blessings and love!
Mamie L. Pack
LarrissaLarrissa, I am so thankful to be able to witness all that God has and continues to do in your life. You have such beauty and strength that radiates from your relationship with Christ. What joy to see you walk in freedom and embrace all that God has for you. The best is yet to come!!!!!
lois south
Yes! I really needed this thank you so much
Mamie L. Pack
lois southI am glad you enjoyed it!
Daado
Totally agree ! The one we should be comparing ourselves is our own self ! But I think it is a long way to go, achievable though.
Thank you for that article !! 🙂
All the best..
Daado
Mamie L. Pack
DaadoYes! More cheering less comparison!
Sharon Padon
Outstanding post. I love the positive vibes and the dont be jealous but be inspired section was a cool way to squash that jealous feeling!
Mamie L. Pack
Sharon PadonThank you!!! We can all shine!!!
Stephany (@LifeofAura)
I think this is such a wonderful post. I agree so much that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others even though it might be hard. The advice/tips you give to help others stop comparing is great and hopefully I can stop comparing soon as well.
Mamie L. Pack
Stephany (@LifeofAura)Yes! We are wonderfully made. No need to compare.
Ashlee Morgan | SheCanSocial.com
These are fantastic tips! All we can do is be our best selves and cheer each other on, comparing ourselves doesn’t do anyone any good. Thanks for the words of wisdom!
Mamie L. Pack
Ashlee Morgan | SheCanSocial.comSo glad you found them helpful! Yes. We can support each other instead of competing.
beckyfoxfitness
Such a great message and reminder! It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game especially being surrounded with social media. These are great tips!
Mamie L. Pack
beckyfoxfitnessIt can be easy to get sucked in to the highlights people show on social media. I have to put boundaries in place to help me not get caught up at times.
Renee Theresa
I’ve been extra hard on myself recently. I really needed to read this. Thank you!!
Mamie L. Pack
Renee TheresaOh, I hope today you gave yourself more grace. You are a beautiful work in progress.
suburbangoddessmom
This is so amazing and so true. I have struggled with this my whole life until recently. The thing that has really helped is embracing my story, my journey and myself fully. Hard and sometimes uncomfortable work but so important.
Mamie L. Pack
suburbangoddessmomYaaasss!! Your story, voice and journey is important. The world doesn’t need copies, it’s sad that we fool ourselves into thinking it does.
Raluca
Embrace your journey. I just love this idea, of embracing your journey… 😉
Mamie L. Pack
RalucaAbsolutely Raluca!
noteworthymommy
I am going to share this article with one of my very best friends. She is starting a new path in life at the age of 47 and has been prone to compare herself to others. After struggling with fertility I learned to embrace my journey and fully accept the life God had planned for me. It wasn’t the life I had dreamed about in my 20’s or 30’s but when I fully accepted my life and praised God for all I had I finally felt free.
Mamie L. Pack
noteworthymommyYay! Please share. When we let go of the shoulds and timelines of our lives we can embrace God’s perfect timeline for us.
Ashley Lavoie
This was such a breath of fresh air to read. Sometimes we all just need reminders that comparisons to others literally don’t do anything but steal our joy. I like the idea of a gratitude journal; something we can always look back on that’s tangible that can remind us to be thankful for who we are and the lives we have <3
Mamie L. Pack
Ashley LavoieThank you Ashley! Gratitude logs can be helpful for all sorts of areas in our logs and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Kimberlie
I can attest to the power of gratitude journals. After keeping one, my positive mindset improved drastically. I highly recommended this practice.
Mamie L. Pack
KimberlieYes! Keeping a gratitude journal helps your mindset and your heart.
Katie | Mom By Day
Mamie, what a great article! It is SO natural for all people to compare themselves to other people, but it’s not a very healthy thing to do because then you aren’t focusing on JUST YOU. I think being grateful is definitely one of the best ways to refocus your energy on yourself and create a more positive space.
Adriane
I love all of these so much! We are the best when we are ourselves. Having a gratitude practice has helped me so much. And I love the tip about being inspired instead of envious. My yoga instructor reminds us of this often as we are looking at others to see what we’re supposed to be doing. She said it’s inspiration instead of copying or striving to be like that other person.
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