8 mistakes in marriage wives can avoid

Being married is amazing. But even the healthiest marriages are not free of challenges. There are those obstacles we cannot control that impact our marriages like sickness, job loss, or miscarriage. Then there are those mistakes in marriage we can avoid.

If we want to continue growing, then identifying common mistakes in marriage and improving them is essential.  

1. Making your husband and his behaviors responsible for your actions

One big mistake I made early in my marriage was inadvertently making my husband responsible for my actions. I spent too much time talking to God about how my husband needed to change that I ignored what was going on within me. Deflecting ownership of your behaviors only creates problems in your marriage. Instead of doing the work to unlearn and unpack your negative behaviors, you place blame on your spouse. Friend, your husband is not responsible for your actions or emotions—you are.

Solution: 

Taking responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors create trust and dependability in your marriage. Focus on the work you need to do become a healthy person.  

2. Not communicating expectations

Marriage is complex. You are two people with different personalities, experiences, and viewpoints. When we fail to communicate expectations with our spouse, this only leads to complications within our marriages. Problems arise when we take for granted our spouse knows and understands our expectations when it comes to money, parenting, sex, or traditions. Open and consistent communication is vital for marriages to thrive.  

Solution:

Learn how to be direct in your communication. Set time aside daily to discuss your expectations together and decide what is reasonable.  

3. Neglecting problems

Avoiding difficulty conversations will not magically make them disappear. When you get married, you bring your attitude and approach toward resolving conflict in your marriage. Undiscussed problems quickly compound into much larger problems creating a wedge between a healthy couple. You cannot avoid conflict in a marriage, but you can choose how you will resolve those conflicts.  

Solution:

Choose to discuss problems fairly, full of love with the goal of working toward reconciliation. It’s crucial to consider how you will resolve issues. Remember, you are fighting fair, not fighting to win.  

4. Putting off sex

How often have you and your hubby had sex this week? Did you enjoy it? Or did you have sex so that you could get him to leave you alone?

Unfortunately, many women can focus on sex as a marital duty on their long list of responsibilities. If we are not intentional, it is easy to put off sex in marriage. You make your kids, your job, even spending time with friends a priority over connecting with your spouse. Then when you finally decide to have sex, it feels more like a chore than an enjoyment.  

Solution

Prioritize physically connecting with your spouse. The goal is to choose to cultivate a healthy sex life with your husband, where you WANT to connect. Talk about how you can improve your sex life. Be intentional to bring the romance back.

5. Needing to be right

Marriage is a union, not a competition. You don’t get a trophy for winning the most arguments. Holding on to your need to be right, and having your husband do things your way will only derail your marriage connection. When you focus more on being “right,” you lose sight of finding the right solution. You pick sides, indirectly creating a division between you and your spouse. Remember, you are a team!

Solution

Practice the pause. During those difficult moments, choose to pause, pray, and process before you respond. Remember to choose your marriage, not a side. Be willing to learn from our spouse, have an open mind to solutions, and be okay with making mistakes. 

6. Comparing your marriage to others

Friend, comparison will only create problems in your marriage. Oh yes, it’s easy to focus on the things we feel we lack in our spouse or marriage. You waste time upset about the flowers your spouse didn’t give you (like your friend’s spouse did for her), you miss out on how your spouse cooked dinner so you could rest (what you needed). Comparison will make you see holes in your marriage that don’t exist while causing you not to appreciate all you do have. It is unrealistic and unhealthy.

Solution

Make a list of all the ways you are grateful for your spouse and marriage. Choose to compliment your spouse daily. Pray for God to help you see and appreciate your spouse the unique way God designed him.  

7. Putting off date night

Having a date night may be a little challenging when life is challenging. Whether you are adjusting to life with a new baby, stressed out from work, or struggling with being a caregiver, marriages need time to connect. Date nights are about more than getting dressed up or going out on the town. Date nights require you to carve out time to build your marriage and your connection to each other.  

Solution

Remember, date night is more about a mindset than an activity. Date night is intentionally choosing to prioritize connecting with your spouse outside of the additional roles and responsibilities that impact your marriage. Carve our time WEEKLY to spend together, even if it is a movie night at home or dinner on the porch.  

8. Not getting help

One of the biggest mistakes we can make in marriage is ignoring when we need additional help. Sometimes there are issues you need to discuss with an unbiased party. Someone who you can privately discuss issues without fear of judgment and who will hold you accountable.   

Solution

Identify safe people you and your spouse feel comfortable talking about marital growth and issues. Be willing to seek out help without shame. Getting help builds wellness in our marriages, just like our bodies.

Learning what marriage mistakes to avoid isn’t complicated, but it does require we do the work to build a healthy, lasting marriage. As a wife, we can do our part to help our marriages thrive.  

Above all, pray for your marriage and your spouse. Listen to the Holy Spirit guide you on what not to do in marriage. Christ has equipped you to be a helpmeet for YOUR husband.  

cheering your on friend,