For better or worse: 7 ways to cultivate a healthy marriage during the Coronavirus Pandemic
For better or worse.
Those were the vows, right?
For some, being at home with the love of your life might be feeling a little strained right now.
Are you noticing how loudly your spouse chews? (Did he always eat like that?) Maybe, those socks on the side of the bed are getting on your nerves? How hard is it to clean a mug?
Or is he tired of seeing your hair in the shower? Irritated you keep using his charger and not returning it?
Friend, if you said yes to any of these, you might be married during a pandemic.
It doesn’t matter who the culprit is. Those cute little quirks have quickly become big annoyances.
Social distancing requires that we spend more time with our spouses than ever before. We are working, parenting, exercising, and resting within the same rooms in the same home all day.
Even the best of couples can feel some strain during quarantining.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Check our some of my best advice about marriage even in the midst of this pandemic.
1. Discuss expectations
If your home is like mine, a lot is going on. Between helping our fellas with distance learning and working from home, we are all processing this time in different ways. Our routines have changed. Every week, my hubby and I are adjusting to demands from our jobs and the needs of our fellas.
Communication is necessary.
I am sure your spouse is a great person, but he is NOT a mind reader. You need to discuss your expectations and communicate your needs. When you need something, be specific. Now is not the time for you to be vague, especially if you are upset or offended.
For your marriage to thrive, discussing expectations is a must.
2. Laugh often
Even though my hubby and I have no problem laughing together, it’s easy to focus on just getting things done.
Our conversations can easily focus on what our fellas need to do for school or all the meetings we attended for the day. It happens to the best of us. So we intentionally choose to bring humor and laughter into our marriage.
We don’t talk about anything virus related, bill related, or even kid related.
How can you bring more laughter into your marriage and home?
Keep your spirits lifted by laughing together. Whether it’s watching a comedy or sending each other a funny meme, a sense of humor can help your marriage thrive.
3. Give each other space
If possible, creating space for each person to have some time alone every day is helpful and healthy for a marriage.
When discussing expectations for the day, that’s a good time to share what you both need. Maybe your spouse needs to take the dog for a walk alone, or perhaps you need your spouse to bath the kids so you can take a shower.
It’s hard to have solitude when everyone is home, especially if space is tight.
Let’s just be real. There’s no need to watch every show together. You can Netflix and chill by yourself.
Friend, you must be an advocate for yourself and be responsive when your spouse is doing the same.
Creating space to have time alone is healthy and necessary. Please do not feel guilty or selfish for carving out time apart. Nor should you manipulate your spouse because he may need time alone as well.
You are in this together.
Be attentive, responsive, and respectful.
4. Prayer and worship
Prayer and worship is a vital part of a healthy, thriving marriage, especially during this pandemic.
In good time and in bad times, God is always worthy of our praise. In a pandemic, we can forget this simple truth and focus more on fear than our faith. When we focus on our fear, stress, anxiety, and worry, we put our problems before our God.
Choose to daily pray your marriage, your children (if you have them), your community, those in need, those hurting, those in authority, and more. Carve out time in your day to pray together and pray individually. Ask your spouse about specific prayer requests.
Declaring the truth of God’s word in prayer and worship as a couple helps you to be encouraged, to have faith, and to have courage. Partnering with your spouse for prayer and worship creates a sacred space for the Holy Spirit to dwell.
Even amid this pandemic, your home can be a safe, peaceful space.
5. Be intimate
Just because you are in the same home doesn’t mean you are making time to connect and be intimate with one another. Focusing on the small details that get on your nerves only creates divisions that can have a lasting impact beyond this pandemic.
Don’t let this be your marriage.
Hold hands. Kiss often. Keep sex an active part of your marriage.
Communication plays an essential role in maintaining healthy intimacy during this time. Understand everyone processes stress in varied ways. In times of high stress or crisis, sex in marriage can be negatively impacted. Keeping communication open and creating a safe space for both of you to process your emotions and stress in a healthy way helps you to maintain intimacy and an active sex life.
Find ways to connect physically and emotionally. Again discussing expectations helps. If you are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, talk about why and how your spouse can help.
Don’t ignore the importance of intimacy.
6. Respect boundaries
With everyone home, your private space may be invaded with children needing to learn and a spouse who must attend multiple zoom meetings. The sanctuary of your home office or maybe the sanctuary of your master bedroom is gone. The lack of space and crossing of boundaries is more than enough reason for there to be conflict in any marriage.
Take a step back to recognize when you both are being intrusive.
Just because your spouse doesn’t look busy, you may be tempted to start a conversation or move something he isn’t currently using. Maybe he starts a movie just as you are preparing for a virtual meeting or eating the sandwich you were going to eat for lunch.
To help respect boundaries, try asking when a good time is to talk, create a schedule for work, and discuss meal prep. When you are always around each other, respecting each other’s time and boundaries are essential.
7. Dream together
With all the extra time, now is an ideal time to dream together. Talk about all the God-sized dreams in your heart. What does God want you to build together? What has God called you to do together?
Take walks and allow God to speak to both of your hearts. Maybe there is a business to start? A family to grow? A ministry to begin? Somewhere to travel?
We may be safe within the walls of our homes, but God speaks to the depths of our hearts. Allow Him to reveal His plans for your marriage.
Above all, remember marriage is ministry. Whatever is happening now was not caused by your spouse. Remember this when you are talking and living together during quarantining. The person in your home is the one you chose to spend your life with, so be gentle, be kind, and be loving. Choose to use this time to breathe fresh life into your marriage.
Cheering you on,
Related Posts
Amanda Krieger
This is great. The quarantine is definitely a time to consider all of these things. All this togetherness plus the stress is tough on anyone, and any relationship.
Mamie L. Pack
Amanda KriegerExactly! It takes intentionality now more than ever.
Kemi
Mamie! Thanks for this list! Space is important during this time especially when we are home together 24/7!
Mamie L. Pack
KemiAbsolutely!
Sherry Lee
Love this! My hubby has worked from home for the past few years, so it hasn’t been a huge adjustment for us other than having the kids here with us all day. We did start morning coffee dates where we sit for 20 minutes together, just the two of us.
Mamie L. Pack
Sherry LeeI love how intentional you are being during this time.
Jarid
Such a great post! We have learned to laugh instead of get worked up or mad and it’s been a game changer. It’s so easy to get caught up on petty stuff when you’re around each other 24/7 in lock down.
lifeofababema
Your advice is always on point and I love the fact that it is PRACTICAL! Pinning this for future reference. Thank you!
Kristy Howard
This is such a great post! I especially relate to the “give each other space” part… I’m a huge introvert AND I homeschool our five kids. This pandemic has given us more down time and LOTS of together time. Yes, personal space is nice!
I am so blessed to be married to a man who helps me laugh every day… and likes to dream big dreams with me.
It’s great to find your blog… I’m sharing this post!
Beth Grider
In high stress times, it’s easy to “grow apart”. We must be intentional in our marriages to continue growing together. (My husband and I have had several parking lot dates since we can’t go in anyplace…sitting in the car isn’t hideaways, but it still gives us a chance to catch up/chat/and focus on one another without the kids;)
Diffusing the Tension
I definitely need to work on bringing some laughter back. Thanks for the reminder!
Mamie L. Pack
Diffusing the TensionLaughter is so good for any relationship.
Kari
Laughing is a save all for so many things going on right now! Things can’t be helped, and of course all the random things break in the house during this time – gutters, water heater, the garbage disposal, water dispenser 😆😆😆! Laugh, it’s the only thing to do!
Mamie L. Pack
KariAbsolutely!!! Laughter helps so much.
Jessica
This is definitely a time when our relationships can get better or worse. If we choose connection and communication, I think we will all end up better on the other side!
Emily
I am definitely leaving these tips on my desktop so that I can be reminded of them every day! It is hard when all you want is alone time, but he is my partner and we are in this together! Thank you!
barbellebeautyy
I love the giving space, especially with a toddler and being stuck in the house majority of the time!
Leslie W.
I needed to see this today. THANK YOU. 🙂
Work it out: Five ways to resolve conflict in marriage |
[…] that you have watched the video, here are some reflection questions for you (and your spouse) to […]
Brandi Michelle
These are great ways to stay connected during this season. In marriage, each spouse needs their individual time to help in being a better spouse to each other. Keeping God at the center, especially during uncertain times, is necessary in bonding with one another on all levels of marriage.
Mamie L. Pack
Brandi MichelleYes. Carving out time is healthy and considerate.
Jen
The chewing part had me LOL. Thank you for the suggestions and words of encouragement. I do find laughing together to be the best medicine for all
Mamie L. Pack
JenOh, yes!! We do a lot of laughter over here. It helps so much.
Favoureddaughters
With people predicting a high rate of divorce and separation resulting from spending more time with their spouse this period, I bet if tips shared in post are applied, marriages will scale through and become better.
People need to see this. Thanks for sharing.
Mamie L. Pack
FavoureddaughtersYes! We must remember to choose our marriages every day.
Ava James
I’m adding all this tips on my wedding checklist. Thanks for sharing your honest advice!
Mamie L. Pack
Ava JamesYes! The earlier you can implement these the better.
Teresa Trumbly Lamsam
7 Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Marriage During the Coronavirus Pandemic may seem to be directed at people who are married, but I believe all of these tips work with close relationships in general. This can work for households whether it’s for family members or roommates! Great tips!
Maryann Lorts
Love these tips. My husband, although military, is in a job that unless he’s on mission, they have made the command stay home. Guess who didn’t have a mission for six weeks… it was okay at first, but we were both ready to run away screaming. We are just to him being gone. The kids did enjoy him home so that’s good. Thank you for the reminder of priorities in trying times that we are in.
~Stacey~
Yes, being married during quarantine can bring it’s own set of challenges to say the least! I love your tips here on how to overcome those challenges and bring a bit of love, peace, and even humor into the mix. Thank you for this encouragement!
Mamie L. Pack
~Stacey~Oh, yes. Humor definitely helps, especially when we are in close quarters.
Mary Rooney Armand
Oh gosh Mamie, so Much help right here! I love the boundaries and give each other space!! We have 6 of us together which can get crazy. My husband and I will go on dates on the front porch. Thanks for sharing such insightful wisdom!
Mamie L. Pack
Mary Rooney ArmandOh, love the porch date idea Mary. So sweet.
savoringeachmoment6cd0664a71
Life and relationships definitely change when everyone is living and breathing at home all day every day! Great reminders to be gentle with each other.
Mamie L. Pack
savoringeachmoment6cd0664a71Being gentle and giving grace help nurture healthy relationships.
Donna Miller
It can take alot of intentionality to hold fast to our faith and let God bring out the good in the bad. I feel like during this covid period that my marriage has been strengthened actually. And I am very thankful to God for always bringing my marriage through any challenges that have come our way … ❤
Mamie L. Pack
Donna MillerYes!!! Our marriage are meant to thrive, especially when we are intentionally in cultivating them.
Heather C
“Give each other space”. I feel like we go through crazy busy periods where we hardly see each other and wish for time together and at the beginning of the pandemic we were delighted to be “stuck” together. After a few weeks I was kinda longing for my old routine and wasn’t sure how to express this to him. He was too LOL Doing things apart does not mean we aren’t still delighted to be stuck together!
Mamie L. Pack
Heather CExactly! We must keep that mindset.
merryohler
I can definitely relate to what you’ve shared here. Thank you for this wisdom and practical steps to growing closer during this time!
Mamie L. Pack
merryohlerOh, thank you!!!
Summer
We’ve definitely had some tension-filled moments in our home during this time. What has helped is incorporating family devotional time several nights a week, a few game nights and some family time walking the dog around the neighborhood, wearing our masks, of course!
Cindy
This is a great post, Mamie! Some great practical tips. Communicating expectations is a great one for anytime. 90% or more of the time when we have a misunderstanding, it is because we did not communicate well. If putting it as your #1 tip was intentional, you were spot on.
Mamie L. Pack
CindyMiscommunications lead to disagreements which can lead to tension in our relationships. Learning how to communicate effectively shifts all of that.
Kayla Clyde
What a great list of suggestions! I feel like these are so applicable even in normal non-pandemic times, but to heightened now. Thank you! 🙂
Mamie L. Pack
Kayla ClydeAbsolutely Kayla! They can be applied anytime.
Jessie Q. Synan
So, the hair in the shower and the chewing? You TOTALLY just explained me and my husband, haha! Except he’s the one that takes the charger….teehee. I think all of these are amazing but #1 is my best, sometimes we simply don’t know what one expects from another and then we try to meet expectations we don’t know exist!
Mamie L. Pack
Jessie Q. SynanOpen communication can help resolve a lot of issues.
Time for a change: 3 subtle signs you might be a toxic person (+ what to do about it) | Mamie L. Pack
[…] to jealousy. You start competing with others (even if it’s in your head) to have a better marriage, to make more money, to be fitter, or to have a more athletic kid. You work hard so that you can […]
Everyday moments: 3 quick ways to refresh your marriage today | Mamie L. Pack
[…] gratitude has a way of shifting your perspective about your spouse. Each compliment is a chance to speak life into him. Don’t take that moment for […]
Marriage Matters: 3 ways maintain intimacy in your marriage | Mamie L. Pack
[…] in our marriage, we often did not have anyone to watch our boys. So we spent many “date nights” at home. […]
Establishing Normal: 3 steps to creating a routine after change | Mamie L. Pack
[…] without meal prepping. Now your energy level may have changed, and your taste buds are different. Conflicts can arise when we expect others to respond to change a particular way without discussing our […]
The Good Wife: 3 signs you are nagging wife (+what you can do to change) | Mamie L. Pack
[…] But we must always remember to choose our marriage. […]
Safe Spaces: 3 ways to improve communication with your spouse and children | Mamie L. Pack
[…] our spouse and children feel that they are in a relational safe space, they are more likely to talk about […]