Better sex: How to spice up your sex life in marriage
Do you ever feel like you need to spice up your sex life in marriage?
Between taking care of your family, building a career, and being available to help in your community, sex can easily become the ignored area of your marriage. Think about it? How often have you given yourself to everything else and everyone else to be too tired to have sex with your husband?
You put off sex one day. Then the next day. Before you know it, an entire week has gone by without even being intimate with your spouse once. You didn’t mean to put off having sex with your spouse, but here you are.
Maybe you are having sex with your spouse, but you have hit a rut. Each night it’s the same position, with the same good night kiss, to the do the same thing again tomorrow. The spark in your sex life has dwindled. Is this you?
Or, sadly, you only have sex because he wants it. You no longer look forward to connecting with him and feeling his touch. It is just one more to-do on your list. You lay there waiting for him to finish so you can go to sleep or get up to do what you think is more important.
Whether you are putting it off, feel like you are in a rut, only connecting out of obligation, your sex life in your marriage doesn’t have to be like this.
Here’s the thing, God created sex, and it is meant to be enjoyed within our marriages.
Enjoying a healthy, thriving sex life (when you are able) is good for you and good for your marriage. Just as we are continuously growing and changing, our marriages and sex lives are doing the same. There are high points of excitement and low moments of disappointments.
Just as we are continuously growing and changing, our marriages and sex lives are doing the same. Click To TweetAs a wife, what can you do to spice up the sex life in your marriage?
Let’s take a look at these 12 tips.
1. Take Charge
Who says you have to wait for your husband to initiate sex? Instead of waiting for him to drop hints that he wants to have sex tonight, you can choose to make the first move. Make the call telling your husband you have something planned for him tonight. Or pull him into the room and undress him, telling him what you want him to do next.
Taking charge will help ignite your sex life in marriage and pay off big time. When he is used to initiating sex, your husband will probably find you taking charge of your sex life exciting. Don’t be shy! When you take control, you get to choose when, where, and how allowing you the opportunity to pick what works for you and your body. Remember, when you take charge, choose sex positions that let you take control of the action.
2. Try new positions
Once you have kids, it can be easy for a couple to get into a rut, often relying on the same or two sexual positions. After depending on the same position for the umpteenth time, it might be time to switch things up a bit. New sexual positions allow you to become more comfortable with your body, connect with your spouse, and enjoy sex more.
Doing a different position can be awkward and exciting. Be sure to allow conversation and laughter to be a part of experimenting with something new. Talk with your spouse about what you enjoy, what you want to try, and what does not work. Make up your mind to add one new position a couple of times a month. Get creative, and have fun together. Just be careful not to hurt yourself!
3. Set the mood
Between the hustle and bustle of the day, taking time out to set the scene for sex helps your mind and body get in the mood. Put on the candles. Play some music. Put on some lingerie. Whatever works for you and your husband, be intentional to create the atmosphere for you to connect.
4. Talk about sex
Some couples feel completely at ease talking about sex, while others feel uncomfortable and awkward. Being able to talk candidly with your spouse about sex deepens your intimacy and connection to one another. Share with your husband what you want and need from your sex life. Tell him what you enjoy. If you had a great night of sex, say something. Compliment your husband and encourage him to do it again.
IF you want better sex with your spouse, then you must be willing to talk about it. While sitting on the couch, talk about what is working, what you wish your husband did more often, and what you enjoy. Remember, our spouses are not mind readers. Let him know what you like and how you like it.
5. Be spontaneous
Spontaneity can be hot! Sex in marriages can lull because we focus on routine in place of connection. Instead of waiting until your normal after I put the kids to bed or once I finish dinner sex routine, pull your hubby into your bedroom, close the door, and do a quickie against the wall. Being spontaneous to surprise your husband with a massage just because or meet him at the door with a long, passionate kiss instead of your usual quick peck can do wonders for your sex life.
6. Make time
Every couple goes through busy seasons, whether you are adjusting to life with little ones or are navigating two busy work schedules. To prioritize sex in your marriage, you need to make time for it to happen. Sometimes you need to say no to the extra work, say no to volunteering, or say no to going out, so you can say yes to making time for sex in your marriage. Your time matters.
Sometimes you need to say no to the extra work, say no to volunteering, or say no to going out, so you can say yes to making time for sex in your marriage. Click To TweetThe concept of making time doesn’t seem all that sexy, but it does help you prioritize your marriage. Be intentional to set the mood, make it fun, pick your outfit, choose a different room or position, and do something new. When you are making time for sex in your marriage, create anticipation for both you and your spouse. Talk about it. Get excited about it.
7. Explore his body
When was the last time you truly spent time exploring your husband’s body? Carving out a set time, have your husband lay without moving. Take time to explore his body from head to toe. Pay close attention to how his body responds and what he enjoys. While lying there, your husband will be all too aware of where you are touching and kissing. The anticipation and foreplay will definitely spice things up in your sex life.
8. Take a shower together
Taking a shower together is a simple way to spice up your sex life. Taking time to shower together is both relaxing and sensual. Having your spouse wash your back or shampoo your hair helps to relieve pint up tension after a long, hard day. Remember to take your time when lathering your spouse’s body.
Use extra time washing and teasing various parts of the body, building up excitement. Plus, the change in the environment makes the shower the ideal place to try something new in your sex life. The shower is also an excellent place to chat about your day, get comfortable (with the lights on) with each other’s bodies, and have fun. Plus, when you are finished in the shower, you both are clean. Sounds like a double win to me!
9. Ditch the PJs
Although wearing your comfy PJ pants, tank top, and lounge bra to bed may make you feel all warm and cozy, but they might not be doing much for your sex life. Ditching the PJs for sexy lingerie or even nothing at all are simple ways to improve your sex life. Putting on lingerie communicates intentionality to your spouse.
Flattering and beautifully crafted lingerie for your body type can help you feel sexy, in control, while also being a turn on for your husband. When picking out lingerie, you can choose pieces that accentuate whatever body parts you want. Be open to different styles, colors, and materials. You can quickly put some spice back in your sex life with a little lace or a see-thru number.
10. Make communication fun
Before you send another, “Will you pick up groceries on your way home t?” text, try adding some flirting to your conversation. Call and tell him about the sexy heels you will wear or the color of the lingerie you just purchased. Tell him what you enjoyed doing the last time you had sex or let him know where you look forward to kissing when he gets home. Making your communication fun can do wonders to help you spice up the sex in your marriage.
11. Have sex outside your bedroom
For many couples, the bedroom is where most of the action happens for your sex life. By default, the bedroom has become a part of your routine. You just don’t think about it. Plus, if you have children, your bedroom becomes the one place that is kinda a kid-free zone. When having sex outside of your bedroom, you and your spouse must intentionally communicate and have fun in a different way. Your home has multiple rooms, why isolate sex to just your bedroom?
12. Leave the lights on
Leaving the lights on can be fun, but it does mean being comfortable with your body. Often wives are the first to initiate turning off the lights before sex. Maybe you are self-conscious about your body after having a baby or the extra weight you gained during the pandemic, so cutting off the lights feel safe.
Distorted views of our bodies cause us to think our spouses see our bodies the same way. Believe me; they don’t. Don’t focus on your rolls or how weird your body may look twisted in different positions. Most of the time, your husband can’t wait to put his hands on the same rolls you are afraid for him to see. You are sexy and beautiful—act like it. Turn on those lights. Keeping on the lights allows both of you to enjoy the stimulation that comes with pleasuring one another visually.
Remember, friends, sex is more than feeling good, more than an obligation, and more than a tool to manipulate to get your way. Your sex life in marriage is another way to connect with your spouse. If you feel like your sex life in marriage has lost its spark, try a few of these simple tips to spice up your sex life. More importantly, take time to talk, connect, and pray for your spouse and marriage.
If deeper issues are impacting your marriage, don’t hesitate to seek help. Schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor or therapist.
keep building a healthy marriage,
Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not to be considered professional advice.
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Life With Sonia
I cant wait to have a life partner. I have not had sex with the lights on before, but maybe I will be comfortable with my husband.
victoriaalabi
I must say that I really love this. Looking forward to having great sex with my future hubby.
Diffusing the Tension
These are great tips! It is definitely a lot harder with kids in the picture, but these are helpful action steps.
Melissa M Sanchez
I am all about this post. I think we need more of them, I think it is a topic that needs to be front and center. There is so much talk about sex outside of a marriage, I just feel like sex needs to be celebrated more in a marriage .
Mamie L. Pack
Melissa M SanchezMe too Melissa!
ayslynne15
My husband and I just celebrated our one year anniversary, but during our first year we were pregnant from the beginning, purchased a house, performed home renovations by ourselves, moved, had a baby, and are enduring a pandemic so it was a rough year. But these are some great tips that we have used in the past month or so to try to realise we are only young once and need to enjoy being married even if there is a child in the picture 24/7! Thanks for the tips!
Mamie L. Pack
ayslynne15Oh, I totally understand. We moved (military), started new jobs, and was pregnant all during our first year of marriage.
Diffusing the Tension
These are great tips! Scheduling it definitely helps us. Thanks for all the other suggestions!
shaythomasblogs
These are great tips, what I need to really work on is actually the opposite of ditching pjs. I always sleep nude but, i think wearing some a little more sexy may spice it up a bit. he gets to see too much of me too often.
Raisa Mia
I love this post! After having a baby, making time for one another is definitely something we need to work on.
Mamie L. Pack
Raisa MiaJust take one step at a time.
M. J.
Great advice! I’ve been married for 14 years and I’m still so uncomfortable with my body. Still working on leaving the lights on! Lol!
Cathy McIntosh
What a fun and transparent post. I love your take on spicing up sex in marriage and enjoying it! Thanks for your boldness in writing.
Mamie L. Pack
Cathy McIntoshThank you Cathy! It’s so important to talk about sex in marriage.
fluxingwell
Thanks for writing candidly about the topic of better sex. Your tips and ideas are simple and actionable. I’ll have to give some of your ideas a try!
Mamie L. Pack
fluxingwellOh, thank you!
Collene
These are all such great tips! And this is a topic we need to talk about more because it is so vital for a healthy marriage.
kariminter
Such great tips and steps here! Thanks for posting this!
Teresa Hodge
Great tips for helping in this important area of marriage! Thank you for sharing on this topic.
Timothy R. Berman
In one of the singles Facebook groups I belong too, the topic of sex came up. Much of it centered around someone sharing their fear of sexual relationship within the marriage. The shame and guilt. One of the conversations appeared to center on the nature of how Christian (and faith based communities) have probably done more harm than good in relation to intimacy and sexual relationships. Much of this, of course, focused on more of chastity and abstinence and teaching fear of sexual intercourse. While it is good to teach the principles and eternal truths of maintaining a life that is chaste and pure, some have come to bring their own preconceived shame and fears into the relationship.
Rachel Mayew
So good to see a Christian sister celebrating sex in marriage without tiptoeing around the subject. We need more of this!
Mamie L. Pack
Rachel MayewIt is so important we talk about sex with marriage and celebrate it.
Erin
Sex is definitely a very important component of marriage. Unfortunately, it’s so easy to forget how important it is after you have kids. We have two young kids now, so I definitely needed this reminder!
Mamie L. Pack
ErinIt is tooooo easy to get causing up and ignore being available for your spouse.
Alice
Good post on spicing up your sex in marriage. I’m divorced but if I ever marry again I will keep this in mind.
Mamie L. Pack
AliceThanks for reading Alice!
shaythomasblogs
Great post. I need to work on being more confident with my body and maybe that’ll spice things up
Christina | Finally Family Homes
Amen! God created sex, and it is meant to be enjoyed.. Thanks for these very pracitcal tips to spice up your sex life!
Danielle
Great tips! Especially about making time. It is so important to make time for each other in a relationship.
Emily Susanne
Thank you Mamie!! 👏👏I have been exploring this topic in detail, as I didn’t realize what a struggle this area can be for a busy married couple! But sex is a super important part of marriage because it builds intimacy.
11 Secrets to a Successful Marriage | Our Kingdom Culture
[…] If you need help in this area, I think this article from Mamie Pack can help you spice up your sex life in marriage. […]
zhanawells
All of these tips are so helpful! I believe this is a topic we should speak more about because it is so vital for a happy marriage. Thanks for sharing a wonderful post for married couples