Recently, I asked my readers what would they like to see covered on the blog. One major topic came up several times—How to fight fair in marriage?
So, I started to spend some time truly reflecting on what does “fighting fair” look like in my marriage. Is this a topic I could even address? Because, my husband and I don’t really “fight”, not in the traditional sense. In our 14 years of marriage, we have never yelled at each other, called each other names, or said things with the intention to hurt the other person.
But we have had conflict.
Conflict that resulted from hurt feelings, unmet expectations, pride, lack of communication, and unresolved issues from childhood (more my issue than his).
To be honest, these conflicts challenged every fiber of my being and fed my fear. Deep inside I was afraid of conflict. Afraid that our marriage would somehow be devoured by our conflicts with only heartache left behind. So God had to show ME how to walk through conflict.
This walk started while my husband and I were dating/engaged. During those two years, we discussed how we would handle disagreements (intense fellowship—watch the video). Yet, it wasn’t until we were husband and wife that I realized just how much God would need to work out more unresolved issues and brokenness in ME.
After a few days, I talked with my hubby and I prayed about what could I add to this topic that would be encouraging and point others back to God. This is where this video where I started with this video. I started by simply talking about just five of our ways to resolve conflict in marriage. Take a look at the video below (feel free to watch it with your spouse so you can discuss the questions below):
Now that you have watched the video, here are some reflection questions for you (and your spouse) to consider.
- How do you and your spouse respond to conflict?
- What is your attitude toward conflict?
- What did you learn?
- What are the boundaries in our marriage?
- Do you press pause when you experience conflict? Why or why not?
- What can you implement in your marriage today?
- What can you start to help you resolve conflict?
- What do you need to stop in order to help you resolve conflict in a healthy way?
I want to hear from you. Any strategies you would add to this list? Any you already do? Any you plan to start? I look forward to your comments!