I need out: 5 tips to get beyond survival mode to embrace an intentional life
Feeling l like you’re just struggling to survive? Survival mode is real and it stops us from living an intentional life.
Friend, I see you.
Even before your feet hit the floor, your heart is already overwhelmed with stress and worry. You have people pulling on you, needing your time, calling your name, wanting you to show up.
The reality is some days and some seasons are just hard. There are sleepless nights, endless meetings, numerous doctor appointments, never-ending homework, crying children, and changing hormones.
You sit wondering if you have anything left to give. A part of you questions even wanting to walk away—just for a bit. Step away from responsibility. Walk away from being needed. Walk away to have quiet, to have peace.
But you don’t.
You do all you can to make it through the day. You get up. You push forward. You show up.
You survive.
If you are anything like me, survival mode can be a familiar friend. You put the game face on. You get the work done. You cook dinner. You do all you can to make through the next day, the next hour, the next minute. You’ve learned how to push through and keep going.
Maybe you are right there today.
If so, remember–surviving is not your stopping point. Be encouraged.
You can have the thriving, full life not bound by circumstances.
Lean on Christ
One of the hardest parts of being in survival mode is the lie; I am responsible for making all things happen for all people. We put the entire weight of making things happen on our shoulders. Friend, the first step in living an intentional life beyond survival mode is intentionally choosing to surrender to Christ every moment of every day. Christ is more than capable of carrying the weight of all of our stress, cares, and worries. Choose to lean on Christ. He’s got you friend!
Ask yourself:
- What scriptures can I apply to my situation?
- What is God showing me?
- What areas am I trying to control instead of surrender?
- Have I prayed about my day?
Practice Gratitude
Every time you start to complain or fuss about your day, take a moment to reflect on the good. Say what you are thankful for out loud. Show appreciation for those around you. Start your day and end your night jotting down all you are grateful for. Whether you choose to keep a gratitude journal, a family gratitude jar or write thank you cards, making gratitude a regular part of your day is vital. Gratitude is a daily choice, regardless of your situations. This intentional step will help retrain your mind to see the good instead of seeing the lack.
Ask yourself:
- How has God blessed me today?
- What is something positive about my day?
- How can I encourage someone else today?
Make wellness a priority
When we go into survival mode, one of the first areas we sacrifice is our wellness. We stop exercising, overeat, and go without enough sleep. All of these are bad habits that have long-term implications. Instead of putting off your wellness to take care of everyone, make it a priority.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- How am I taking care of me?
- Am I eating healthy to fuel my body?
- What hobby have I ignored? How can I add it back into my life?
- How can I incorporate exercise in my day?
- How will I prioritize my health?
- What will I do to protect my boundaries?
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Pick your battles
There have been numerous times I lived in survival mode, especially when I was a momma with three fellas four and under or a momma taking care of four fellas while my hubby was on deployment. While it may be easy to pick the argument, fuss about the clothes not folded, be irritated about all the noise the kids are making, or tell off the coworker, we must be willing to know what does and does not require our attention or emotional space. Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should.
If you want to know if you are picking the wrong battles, ask yourself:
- Do I have the emotional capacity to respond in love?
- Will responding to this create positive change?
- Am I trying to be in control?
- Will this matter?
Limit your commitments
To shift from survival mode to embracing an intentional life, be okay with paring life down to the basics. Don’t be afraid to cut everything that isn’t essential to your day. Would the play date be nice? Sure. Is it necessary? Nope. In some seasons, we must be willing to say no to things we want to do so we can have the capacity for what God has assigned to our hands.
To know how to pare down your commitments, you need to acknowledge every area you have said yes. Make a list ON PAPER. Looking at these commitments, ask yourself:
- Why did I say yes? Obligation? Fear? People-pleasing?
- Why does this commitment matter?
- How much time does this commitment require?
- How does this commitment impact my family and me?
- Will I be solely responsible for this commitment?
- Is this my best yes?
- What happens if I say no?
Lovely one, I hope today you have the courage and the strength to take just one step forward out of survival mode. One step toward the abundant life in Christ. You can step forward by leaning on Christ, practicing gratitude, making wellness a priority, picking your battles, and limiting your commitments. Just pick one. One step. One change. One decision.
Cheering you on,
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TripleAmommy
So agree with a lot of things you say. Prioritise and self care are my two important strategies.
Renee Theresa
This is absolutely perfect. For me limiting my commitment is my biggest issue. Thank you!
Mamie L. Pack
Renee TheresaOh, yes! Learning how to streamline your commitments is a big help.
Savannah
Yes, yes, and yes!! Girl, this was such a great and relevant post! The need to control can add such anxiety and pressure, the unhealthy eating can deplete our already iffy hormones, and we do NOT have to make everything a big deal. I really liked this!
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Tish Ross
Here lately I have been all about peace and positivity. I’ve been praying and thinking about the things I am so thankful and grateful to have in my life. I do need to think about my commitments to myself more and stop being a people pleaser. Thank you for this.
Mamie L. Pack
Tish RossOh Tish, that is wonderful you have been mindful about gratitude and positivity. Learning to simplify actually makes more room for the meaningful moments.
Sonja- Too Much Character
Again, you find ways to speak to my heart. I love your actionable tips to help turn things around, because we all have struggled as mothers.
adrianeryann
So beautifully written. I’ve been working on all of these (especially number 1) for the past few years and no longer feel like I’m just trying to get through the day. Living with intention is so important. I’m sure you are going to encourage so many mamas!
Mamie L. Pack
adrianeryannOh, thank you. Learning to lean on Christ has freed me and now I can enjoy a full life in Him. We don’t have to survive when He has promised us an abundant life.
Cendu Param
This really spoke to me. Reading this has made me realize I really am in survival mode these days and I hadn’t even notice because I was busy just trying to get through each day. I really need to take some me time for self care which has been severely lacking. I like the idea of writing things down. It does help me feel more commited and I feel encourage when I see it again and again. Awesome tips!
Mamie L. Pack
Cendu ParamOh, I am glad you recognize you are in survival mode. That is the first step towards making change. Now you can decide to make different decisions and live a full life.
annemarkey1
These are awesome tips. In today’s world women are expected to do everything and we carry the guilt that we should be doing all those things. But, I am so happy to see more and more posts by people saying that its ok to set limits and to take care of ourselves.
Mamie L. Pack
annemarkey1Oh, we must dispel the myth we are created to do all these things and do them well. We have limits and that’s okay. It makes us human.
CATHY DONALD
Beautifully written, so encouraging! Great tips as well. Thanks Mamie!
AprilNelson25
This is such an essential layout for living abundantly. Taking care of mind, body and spirit is definitely so very key to feeling less overwhelmed. I think so often we forget that setting healthy boundaries with ourselves is absolutely just as important as setting them with others.
christastockton
This is wonderful. I’ve been struggling lately with burnout and am constantly trying to remember that I need to surrender to the Lord. It is his time, not min .
Mamie L. Pack
christastocktonYes Christa! The burnout can feel real but we can take joy in knowing God is ready to carry every weight. We just need to surrender.
New Mom Vibes
I needed to hear this! With raising two under two I feel like I’m in survival mode!
Mamie L. Pack
New Mom VibesOh, I have been there. Three of my four fellas were four and under. There were some challenging moments for sure.
therabbitlair
Wonderful tips. Over commitment is probably my biggest roadblock.
Mamie L. Pack
therabbitlairSadly, over commitment is a big issue for a lot of women. Saying no is powerful.
Olufunke
I need this. Thanks so much.
I so much love the part about picking the wrong battles.
Also, thinking about one positive thing that happens in a day, one thing to be grateful for.
Thanks.
Mamie L. Pack
OlufunkeGratitude has helped me a lot in the hard seasons. Choosing to find one good thing trickles to another. It makes such a difference.
Crystal
I love the tips for limiting your commitments. I used to say yes to everything but now I try to say “let me think about that”. You’ve given some great questions to ask myself during that “thinking” time.
Mamie L. Pack
CrystalThere is so much power in pausing before responding. We get to say yes to what really matters and what we really have the capacity to do.
Desiree
I love how this was written and for the wise tips in here. I have struggled with this. I got into a very intentional life and then a huge, hard season came and sent me back into survival mode. I am in the process of working my way back. This is so helpful.
Mamie L. Pack
DesireeOh, Desiree I have been there. It is great you recognize where you are and are choosing to take the steps to move forward.
nadaliebardo
Such great tips! I think sometimes we’re in “survival mode” well past when we need to be. It’s so instinctual, but we need to catch ourselves.
Mamie L. Pack
nadaliebardoAbsolutely! Pausing to acknowledge where we are in survival mode and helps so we can take the steps to get out.
Wendy / One Exceptional Life
I love this, Mamie! You’ve given such great, practical tips to let go of the chaos and live an intentional life focused on Christ. What a great example that sets for our kids as well.
Mamie L. Pack
Wendy / One Exceptional LifeThank you Wendy! When we learn, we are definitely able to pass along to our children for sure.
staciesayzso
I like to remind myself to choose my battles. I have to ask myself often if I’m trying to control things. It’s hard but sometimes you have to just release it.
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M. J.
So much great advice about getting out of survival mode! I struggle with committing to too many things, and it’s really something I need to work on for my own mental health!
Jessie
Mamie, every blog post lately has been speaking to me so much. I feel like lately I’ve just been surviving. I didn’t think I could handle one more thing, and then I was handed it. But through all of this I really am learning how to pick my battles and go to God in prayer. Thank you for beautiful and encouraging words!
purposefilledstories
I love the God centred action plan – learning to look after ourselves and discovering how we got there in the first place is important to keep our peace and freedom
Mamie L. Pack
purposefilledstoriesThank you!!
Collene
Fantastic tips! I love that you remind us to check our commitments. So often we take on too much!
Mary Rooney Armand
Mamie, great post on moving beyond just survival mode! God has so much more for us. Thanks for sharing!
Adriana David (@adavid695)
Mary Rooney ArmandHi! Thank you so much for encouraging us with your writing. I really appreciate you addressing the topic of boundaries, I certainly believe boundaries are important to establish and to talk about!
Mamie L. Pack
Adriana David (@adavid695)Thank you so much!
Teresa Hodge
I loved this post! Years ago I had to learn to say No. My family had to come first. And there were just so many hours in a day. We can’t overextend ourselves and expect to live an abundant life of peace and rest and joy. It’s important to say Yes to those things God wants for us and leave the other “opportunities” for the people God intends to accomplish those things.
Mamie L. Pack
Teresa HodgeGetting out is survival mode definitely requires us to say no!
jonisteinauer
This was such a good read. I know that I feel like I am in survival mode most of the time. I am learning how to let go and let God, but it isn’t always easy. Please pray for me. Blessings, Joni
Donna Miller
This is SO good Mamie! I have to be super intentional to keep a heart of gratitude and know my limits. I love all your posts and how Jesus downloads so much wisdom into your heart. I am blessed to be able to learn from you … ❤
Betty Rojugbokan
Self care is very important like you rightly noted and most importantly, we should lead on Christ. Thanks for sharing.
Mamie L. Pack
Betty RojugbokanUsing self care to help with survival mode is definitely helpful.
Karen
This is a great post! I am so bad at self care! I do feel like I’m putting out fires all the time but your advice about leaning on Christ and practicing gratitude is what I do daily and it is great for refocusing on what is important.
Mamie L. Pack
KarenIt’s so easy to work out of survival mode instead of overflow from God’s Grace.
adrianeryann
YES YES YES! I hope this inspires so many people. Before I even got to your 5 tips, I was thinking about all that I have done to get beyond survival mode. And you nailed it, as always, Mamie! I have three boys and they’re intense. If I don’t fill my cup first (FIRST with Jesus, then with gratitude, and then all the other things), then I’m a hot stinking mess. Thank you for your encouragement and inspiration 🙂
Rebecca
This was just what I needed to read right now! I feel like I’ve been in survival mode for so long, I can’t remember how to get beyond it. Thanks for some starting points to remind me how to live better!