Do you miss her?
You know, the girl who was happy. The girl who had plans. The girl who was fun to be around.
But now . . .
Now, this girl has forgotten how to dream. Her heart is hurting. She looks in the mirror to see a body she doesn’t recognize. She doesn’t know who she is anymore.
The girl is lost.
She tells herself:
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I’ve lost myself.”
“I don’t recognize who I’ve become.”
She walks around in a woman’s body. A wife. A mother. A sister. A friend. Yet, the little girl in her is screaming—see me.
See the girl who is filled with hope. See the girl who has dreams. See the girl who believes in the good in others. See the girl who loves who she is.
Maybe you find yourself in this season now. You are taking care of your husband. You are taking care of your children. You have been so busy taking care of everyone else that you’ve forgotten who you are.
I’ve been there. So let’s talk about three ways you can rediscover who you are so you can love who you have become.
Embrace who you are and let go of who you were
Too often we feel lost when we are stuck focused on who we used to be. As our lives expand from becoming a professional, a wife, or a mother, we change. In many ways, our hearts grow and what matters shifts. We miss the woman we used to be before heartache, before challenging life speed bumps, before broken relationships.
But you know what? This may be hard to hear, but you are NOT her anymore.
Those experiences, positive and negative, have become a part of your journey. They have helped to shape your heart. You CANNOT go back to who you were before the divorce, before the miscarriage, before your marriage, before the new promotion, before your three kids. Your life is different. As long as your focus is on trying to capture the old you, she will always be just outside your grasp because she doesn’t exist anymore.
This is who you are NOW.
So love her. Love the beautiful, strong, vibrant, resilient, creative, intuitive, intelligent, loving woman you have become. Celebrate your strengths. Celebrate all that you have overcome. Celebrate all the good that has evolved from your life experiences. Instead of being focused on who you were, take time every day to embrace and celebrate who you are. Every day, write or say something out loud good about yourself and the woman you have become. Recognize how much you have grown and praise God for growth!
Create space for reflection and growth
Sometimes the feeling of being lost is scary and hard to accept. It consumes our thoughts and pulls us away from enjoying our life fully. To rediscover who you are, you need time to recognize the changes, understand why the changes have happened, and make steps forward. I know this can be hard when there is so much clutter to our day, but it is necessary. Create space to get quiet so you can reconnect with YOU.
Not sure where to start? No problem. I have provided a few questions below to help you get started reflecting on how to rediscover who you are. Once you are aware of what you think, then you can decide what is true, what to celebrate and what to take to God.
Connect to what brings you joy
When you step away from the roles in your life, do you know what makes you happy? When was the last time you had fun? Do you remember how you felt? What did you do? As we grow older and our responsibilities increase, we can lose sight of the joy we experience in doing things that make us happy. Instead of living life, we become driven by the long to-do lists and mundane aspects of the day. Before you know it, you are moving aimlessly throughout the day waiting for the next long weekend or the next vacation to do anything that makes you happy.
So, what can you do?
I encourage you to identify what makes you happy, separate from what you do as a professional, a wife, or a mother. Make a list, literally. Write down as many happy actions as you can. Do you enjoy writing? Exercising? Playing games? Reading? Organizing? Write it all down. Nothing is too big or too small. Then identify something you could do each day to connect with what makes you joy and work it into your day. When you do, be aware of how it makes you feel. Does it add joy to your day? Does it help you enjoy the other aspects of your day?
Celebrating your growth,