Hi, I’m Mamie and welcome to my blog. If you were sitting next to me, I would go ahead and give you the biggest hug (usually, I do try to ask first). I am ecstatic you are here with me.
Normally this would be the place where other professionals say you should tell your reader a little about yourself. So, I could share several facts about myself that evolved with age, like I wanted to change my name once I turned 18 or I thought I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. But one fact I would definitely like you to know about me that hasn’t changed with time-I am a dreamer.
Yet, five years ago one of my dreams was deferred.
Staring at a blank computer screen, my homework books scrambled on the floor around me, hubby on deployment and four boys who seemed to tag team calling my name, the words would not come out. I could not write. What once filled me with joy now drained me, becoming one more thing on my ever growing to do list. Writing had just become one more area of inadequacy I often felt during this season. I simply could not do it all. I simply could not give it my best. More and more I began to realize my time and energy needed to be poured into supporting my family, finishing my degree, and allowing God to heal broken places of my damaged heart. The cost to push forward was more than I could pay. So five years ago, I deactivated my blog account, stepped away from writing publically, and became comfortable with being in my hidden season.
God called me to a pause.
Unfortunately, what was meant to only last a season became a stopping point for fear. I allowed a few broken relationships with family and friends to cause doubt in myself, my worth, and my calling. The rejection was eating up my heart. Then another military move to an unknown city without any support fed my feelings of isolation. I was beginning to lose sight of my true identity. For the first time in my life, I questioned my voice and my purpose.
Over time, with the support of my husband and a few friends who would not allow me to take up residence in what was meant to be temporary, I was able to embrace my hidden season and surrender it to God. I cried. Actually, I cried a lot. Sad tears. Happy tears. Angry tears. Hopeful tears. Only to start that process all over again. My prayers were often broken ramblings of the little girl who just wanted to rest in her father’s arms.
Through it all, my on-time and faithful God reminded me I am His.
In my Heavenly Father’s arms I found comfort. I found rest. I found hope. In His gentleness, He reminded me that my voice, my ability, and my talents are His. Listening, I knew I needed to be rooted back into a local church. Right away, I leaned in to faithfully serving and opening my heart to the leadership at my local church. Here I gained a safe place to grow, be loved and receive direction. God expanded the circle of women in my life who saw past my brokenness, embraced me for who I am, and spoke to my potential.
In the midst, God was healing. God was restoring. I could feel dormant places in my heart beginning to stir again. Could it be? Would I dare hope? Then at a Sisterhood gathering at Celebration Church it was confirmed. I did indeed hear God’s clear direction. It was my time to write again.
I would love to say that I jumped right back in, but I didn’t. As my dream was becoming visible again there was still the lingering voice saying, “Who would want to read what you write?” That voice asking, “Are you good enough?”
In spite of the uncertainty, I obeyed God’s direction.
I didn’t have to know the entire plan, I just had choose to trust the one who made the plan.
Now five years later, un-paused and beginning anew, I am saying yes to creating another space for God to use my voice and my talents. Whether in the classroom as an educator, serving in my local church, or connecting with other stay-at-home moms, I strive to create a safe place where other women realize they are not alone. From the joyful, gotta tell everyone moments to the ugly, heartbreaking moments, WE ARE NOT ALONE.
Thank you for joining me today. Hopefully, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Let’s get ready to do life together.
Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash